you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
