I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
