My brain says no but my pants say off.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
