wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
