But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
