Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize