Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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