I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Alive.
So much puke
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
