That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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