The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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