I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
