just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
