are you so shy because you have an std?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
