A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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