Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
