the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
