Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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