Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
