i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
