In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
