After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
