i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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