I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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