i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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