I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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