it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She told me I should be a condom model.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
