I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
