Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
