Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
