I only kidnapped one of them. chill
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
