Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Randomize
