yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
