Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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