well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
