operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
