mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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