Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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