I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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