I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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