I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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