I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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