careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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