This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
