She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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