I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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