hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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