Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
