why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
