I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
