im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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