I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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