Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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