The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
