It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
