it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize