You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
