So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
