There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize