love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
