false alarm. still invincible.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
