If that was your dad, he is hot
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
