Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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