just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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