Will you blow on my dice?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize