When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
