If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
