It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
