i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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