he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
