When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
PS: I just woke up from my shower
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
