Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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