TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
