I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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