My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
