i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
