What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
