She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
