he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Come share oat with me in your robe
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
