New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
