If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish I only lived at night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
